The Growth Potential of Tough Times

Some years ago, I was writing a book for a clinical traumatologist. The title was Sudden Trauma. The counselor, Barry Richards, wished to document the principles he had found to be most helpful for growth in the aftermath of tragedy. He told story after story of clients who had learned to optimize the transformative potential of trauma.

I initially believed that working only with people who had recently suffered some kind of horrific crisis would be depressing. Barry showed me the hopeful side of tragedy: how it shakes people out of nonproductive ruts and helps them reprioritize and rethink their lives. People often find a way to use trauma as an impetus for growth. He explained that there is a window of time after a traumatic event when people (even those who never would have been open to change otherwise) are suddenly pliable, teachable, and willing to look at their lives in a very different way.

When my son died tragically, the things I had learned during the course of writing that book made a difference in the way I reacted. I found myself willing to learn, looking for the lessons in that sad experience, and finding ways I could help others.

Can We Experience “Post-Traumatic Growth”?

In article called, “Surviving the Jolt,” Mark Miller explains that crisis often makes a person go higher and deeper than they would have otherwise. Jolts may derail us, or they can propel us into reclaiming and remaking our lives. A crisis may motivate us to ask questions about what is going on in our lives and how we might want to do things differently. After tragedy, we want to be more authentic, want our voice to be heard, want to do more to make our lives matter[1].

The article continues, saying that in 1995, Lawrence Calhoun, professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, helped coin the term “post-traumatic growth” (PTG) for this phenomenon. “It’s not just about being resilient,” Calhoun says. “Resilience is when you get punched, stagger, and then jump right back up. Post-traumatic growth is different—when you stand back up, you are transformed.”[2]

Like its well-known counterpart, post-traumatic stress disorder, PTG doesn’t develop in everyone who experiences a severe shock. Calhoun says, “One consistent finding for people who do experience post-traumatic growth is a set of circumstances that ‘rock your world.’ These circumstances cause you to confront questions you hadn’t confronted or see that previous understandings you had of the world no longer apply.”

The struggle to make sense of tragedy and find meaning can “inspire profound and lasting personal growth. … Some people become more compassionate toward the plight of others, move into new careers, and remake their worldviews and personalities. Their relationships with others grow deeper, and they may seek a stronger spiritual dimension in their lives. The question is, why do some of us crumple in the face of trauma, while others emerge stronger than ever?”[3]

For instance, in the aftermath of one natural disaster people in a certain neighborhood all lost their homes, but no one died. Some said, “I lost everything. I have nothing to live for.” Others said, “I’m still breathing and so are my family members. We have each other and love each other even more. What else matters?” Experts suggest how we can tune our minds to respond better to tragedy.

Reach Out for Help and Bounce Back Better

We can bounce back better from tragedy if we consult with others. Richard Leider of AARP’s Life Reimagined suggests assembling a sounding board of friends as advisers. “You want a committed listener, who can just hear what you have to say without trying to fix anything,” he says. “Then you want a catalyst who offers inspiration through his or her own story. And then you want a wise elder, who helps you keep your eye on the big picture.”[4] Sometimes, we need professional counselors, spiritual advisors, medical advisors, even psychiatrists. Having the courage and wisdom to reach out for help doesn’t show what’s wrong with us, but what is right with us.

Seniors Are Likely to Fare Better

The good news for seniors is that research shows that older people have less emotional volatility and a better ability to accept negative events. They are more likely to find the path of personal growth and recognize new priorities in life. Mark Noonan’s loss of his wife to a fatal head injury when they were both in their fifties caused him to confront his growing career dissatisfaction. He left the corporate world and earned an associate degree in gerontology. Following several internships, he accepted a position as outreach director at Elders in Action, a local nonprofit advocacy group. He says that his wife’s death was a catalyst that caused him to reassess his life and ultimately find a more fulfilling career path.  After Hurricane Katrina, Chicago resident Alice Graham took early retirement at 64 and moved to Mississippi to become executive director of Interfaith Partnerships, a nonprofit that works on disaster preparedness. She has found her new life profoundly satisfying.[5]

The death of a loved one often propels a person into a life work they never would have otherwise considered. Mothers who lost children to drunk drivers started Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD), an organization that works to end drunk driving, prevent underage drinking, and support victims and families affected by drunk driving. Likewise, many programs for suicide prevention are manned by those who have lost a loved one to suicide.

After my son’s suicide, my response was to learn all I could from every possible source and then write books of comfort for the families of suicide victims. I donate books to grief support groups and individuals. I try to be open and reach out to help fellow grievers. I never would have become involved in this arena had I not lost a loved one that way myself. However, the whole experience has given my life a new dimension and purpose. I believe the principle that we are more vulnerable than we think, but stronger than we ever imagined.

Long-Range Benefits

Surviving tough times can help us not only reassess our lives, but also live better in the long run. Dave Sanderson, a hero who saved lives when he was a passenger in a plane that crashed in the Hudson River[6], said, “I live my own strengths now; I have a different level of confidence. When things get tough, I say to myself, “You know, I’m pretty resourceful. I’ll figure out a way through this.”[7]

Working with clinical traumatology ideas in the book Sudden Trauma taught me that we don’t have to just “react” to hard experiences. We can think things through, seek help, and then learn and act on principles most likely to bring positive consequences. 

The bad news is that tough times come to all of us. The good news is that tough times have terrific potential for growth. Choosing to find and climb the path that leads to growth means we focus on goals still possible rather than on the obstacles to growth, such as losses, limitations, problems, and pain. What we choose to focus on determines our growth not just after a tragedy, but in everyday life as well.

[1]The AARP Magazine, April/May 2014, pp 56-60, 81.

[2] Ibid, p, 58.

[3] Ibid, p. 58-59.

[4] Ibid, p. 59.

[5]  Ibid p. 60.

[6] Find out more at http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/miracle-landing-on-the-hudson/.

[7] Ibid, p. 81.

By Darla Isackson