Using Technology to Connect with Grandchildren
Most seniors are aware that young people are plugging in to all the new technology and staying connected with their peers and the world as well. But are you aware that it may be a grandparent on the other end of that virtual tin can—and that technology is bridging the vast age and distance gap that has long divided the generations?
A study released in Feb. 2012 by Microsoft and AARP, "Connecting Generations," found that teens are actually communicating more with their parents and grandparents, and vice-versa, due to the use of social media tools and other online tools that enable cross-generational interactions and richly rewarding connections.
Technology Opens New Possibilities
Mary Madden, senior research specialist with the Pew Research Center, says, "The most powerful force convincing seniors to take the plunge into all the new technologies . . . is their families. Especially when it comes to their grandchildren, they do not want to be left out of the loop."
Grandparents who really want to stay connected with their tween and teen grandchildren have found that they need to become users of technology. If you have not as yet "plugged in" to the many ways to stay in touch with your grandchildren, you may want to learn more about the possibilities of frequent and casual communication with grandchildren by using the new technologies. Doing so can actually change the relationship between you and your grandchildren, all for the better.
Some of us may have lived near one or more grandparent and interacted with them on a regular basis. But if you lived in different cities or states a generation ago, you perhaps only had Thanksgiving with one or more grandparent, received birthday cards and/or gifts sent through the mail, and perhaps a Sunday night phone call from grandparents—after 8 p.m., when long-distance rates went down. However, the newer styles of long-distance communicating today are much more fun and much easier.
Technology Can Help Us Build a Mutual Support System
Communicating through e-mail, Facebook, Twitter or text messaging is more about being “friends,” rather than "grandparents and grandchildren." The other interesting thing about communicating through these means is that the relationship is separate and apart from the grandchildren's parents—it just skips right over them, which is probably a key component to the success of such interactions. These communications are done on kid time and grandparent time, and they require no intervention or supervision from the parents in between.
Says the Pew Center's Ms. Madden, "Seniors who have recently retired, teens, and young adults just beginning their lives are all going through very significant changes in their lives. And this social networking and communicating can be a very powerful force in helping them move forward."
My brother, who lives in Orem, remarried in his late fifties. He had seven children by his first wife, and his second wife had five married children, so together they have twelve married children, and now (nearly 20 years later) have 52 grandchildren. They are determined to keep in touch with all of them. Bob and his wife Lois Jean would find it impossible to keep a connection with this many people without the use of technology. Read on to learn how they do it and how you can keep connected with your family members too.
1. E-mail. E-mail has allowed Bob and Lois Jean to communicate with children and grandchildren in separate family groups. Unfortunately for some grandparents, who have probably mastered e-mail, it may be little-used by their tweens and teens. It has been largely replaced by instant messaging and text messaging, but it's possible that it can still be a way of connecting. It’s important to know your grandchild’s e-mail habits. Some check e-mail constantly, and some check rarely. In the second case, consider a text message to alert your grandchild when you send an important e-mail.
2. Text messaging. Bob and Lois Jean remember individuals at appropriate times, such as birthdays, with text messages. Tweens and teens often prefer text messages to phone calls because they don’t have to answer right away when they are doing something else. Also, text messages are more discreet. They don’t have to put their coolness factor at risk by talking to grandparents in front of their friends. It may be an extra expense to buy a smartphone and a little daunting to learn how to use it—but this is another opportunity to get close to grandchildren by asking them to help you learn the basics. Don’t feel that you have to learn the lingo. The kids may say “CUL8R,” but “See you later” is perfectly acceptable. However, do tell your grandchildren not to answer your text messages if they are driving.
3. Social Networking Sites. Facebook helps Bob keep abreast of the happenings in the whole family. Chances are excellent that your grandchildren, teen and older, have a profile page on Facebook. If you too are on Facebook, you can request “friend” status and view your teenager’s site, but it may be a good idea to discuss this with a teenaged grandchild first. Parents should be monitoring their teenagers’ sites, so that is not really your job, but chances are your grandchild won't mind your being a "friend." Grandparents can play a unique role on Facebook. Plenty of kids block or limit the access their parents have, but they give free rein to the extended family—enabling grandparents to perform duties of light surveillance. There is always the possibility that your grandchildren have abandoned Facebook—too many "olds," which they may feel is "not cool"—in favor of other social networking sites, so perhaps the best thing is to ask what sites they enjoy and then experiment with those sites and see if you, too, can enjoy following them on that site.
Personally, I have found that Facebook lets me learn so much about my children and grandchildren's activities, friends, thoughts, and feelings. It makes me feel closer to them. They may not be concerned about keeping close to me, but I certainly am concerned about keeping close to them. Facebook and text messages allow me to do that since young and old are tiptoeing into the space at the same time. My grandchildren never feel I am "spying on them." I am just another interested "friend." Facebook also allows our family to have a family site where we can post any event we want everyone to know about. That way, we can contact other members of the family any time of the day or night and from whatever location in the world we may be at the time. This is a very valuable tool since many members of our family travel extensively, and without tools such as texting and Facebook, we would quickly lose contact with each other.
4. YouTube. Using YouTube allowed Bob to share his beliefs with his grandchildren—and many others— in a series of videos. Bob said, "We couldn't imagine using these tools at first, but now we couldn't do without them!"
Two additional ways to communicate with grandchildren in non-obtrusive, happy ways are instant messaging and video chatting.
5. Instant messaging, or IMing. In this form of communication, both parties are online at the same time, and they type messages to each other. It’s more like a real conversation or “chat” than texting or emailing because the responses can be so rapid. MSN Messenger and Yahoo! Messenger are the most popular IM programs. Many other programs, such as Facebook, also support IMing.
6. Video chat. If you are a long-distance grandparent, you'll want to know how to video chat with your grandchildren. The two most popular programs are Skype and, for those who use Apple products, FaceTime. It's helpful to arrange video chats ahead of time. (You can send a text message setting up a time.) Have a couple of topics in mind, and strike a balance between talking about yourself and asking questions. You don't want to come off as either self-centered or nosy. Since you are viewing images instead of just hearing sound, you can meet a grandchild's friend, see a new outfit, or check out a new dance move. Although long-distance grandparents are likely to be the heaviest users of video chat, other grandparents will find many occasions to visit on-screen as well, especially when either they or their grandchildren are traveling.
Much to Gain for Both Generations
Many so-called ‘role models’ for youth in today’s fast-paced society lack the values we would like our grandchildren to learn. The more adults they have in their lives who will love and support them, model positive behaviors, encourage their activities, and spend time with them, the richer our children’s and grandchildren’s lives will be.
As grandparents, we frequently have more time to spend interacting with a child than busy parents. Creating and maintaining a bond with your grandchildren can benefit them in several ways. Grandparents can be great role models, teachers, and influencers. You can provide them with a sense of cultural heritage and family history.
We, as grandparents, also reap real benefits by interacting with our grandchildren. These benefits include staying more active and engaged, learning to use the Internet in more ways, and giving an ongoing sense of value and purpose. By combining knowledge and experiences and sharing their lives, both grandchildren and teens have much to gain.
By Arlene Bascom