Books that Hook: When a Spouse Dies: What I Didn’t Know about Helping Myself and Others through Grief

Books that Hook

BY KALIE CHAMBERLAIN

Our senior book reviews are written with the understanding that mature, sensible, premium-aged people may not want the bother of searching for well-written, sleaze-free reading materials—that’s why we’ve done the searching for you. We hope you enjoy this month’s pick.

This Month’s NonFiction Selection: When a Spouse Dies: What I Didn’t Know about Helping Myself and Others through Grief

Author: Barbara R. Wheeler, DSW

Publisher: Plain Sight Publishing

Length: 104 pages

“Currently, in the United States and other Western nations, one-third of the population sixty-five and older is widowed. It is estimated that in Western societies, half of all marriages end with the death of the husband and one-fifth with the wife’s death first.

“Being a widow was not my plan.”

Barbara Wheeler, an award-winning social worker and former university educator and administrator, thought she knew how to “deal” with death. In her years as a therapist, she had counseled and guided many clients who were experiencing grief and loss. But it wasn’t until she faced true loss herself that she began to truly understand.

In When a Spouse Dies, Wheeler recounts her experience following the death of her husband of 51 years. Shocked by the power of her emotions, she began blindly navigating her way through loss, gathering solace from books, research, friends and family, and her own insights. She compiles her conclusions in her short and very readable book.

However, unlike many books about grieving, Wheeler’s book is less of a “how-to” than it is a memoir, a treatise for those dealing with grief to “learn by doing.” In addition to short vignettes from her own life, she also includes experiences and statements gathered from friends, acquaintances, and clients. Wheeler’s conclusion is that grieving is an individualized process. Everyone does it differently. What matters is not how you grieve, but rather, that you do grieve.

Wheeler admits in the introduction that the loss of a spouse and the ensuing grief may be too consuming and overwhelming for many recently widowed individuals to take in the entire book at once. She suggest taking the suggestions and chapters piecemeal or one at a time. Even for those not dealing with the loss of a spouse, the book is still useful and offers great insight for anyone with a friend or family member struggling with grief. Losing a loved one, especially a spouse, is among the most traumatic of experiences. This book offers a hand to hold for anyone navigating the sorrow or confusion in the wake of a lost spouse.

You can borrow When a Spouse Dies from your local library. Purchase it from a local bookseller or at www.amazon.com. Also available in e-book format.