Embrace Your Inner Resilience
By Arlene Bascom
By the time we have lived long enough to be called “seniors,” we all know that life is full of highs and lows. Discovering our inner resilience can be one way to overcome life’s troubling obstacles. Henry Emmons, M.D., author of two books on restoring resilience explains that resilience is something we all have at birth but that it can be eroded gradually because of life events and habits. He maintains that anyone can learn skills needed to confront hardship.
What are the characteristics of people with strong coping skills and resilience?
Resilient People Have …
A Sense of Control
Do you believe you have control over your own life or do you blame outside sources for failures and problems? Generally, resilient people tend to have what psychologists call an internal locus of control. They believe that the actions they take will affect the outcome of an event. Of course, some factors are simply outside of our personal control, such as natural disasters. We may be able to put some blame on external causes, but we have power to make choices that will affect our situation, our ability to cope, and our future.
Strong Problem-Solving Skills
Problem-solving skills are essential. When a crisis emerges, resilient people spot solutions that will lead to a safe outcome. In danger situations, people sometimes develop tunnel vision. They fail to note important details or take advantage of opportunities. Resilient individuals, on the other hand, look at the problem calmly and rationally and envision a successful solution.
Strong Social Connections
Whenever resilient people are dealing with a problem, they turn to people who can offer support. Talking about the challenges strengthens perspective, provides solutions, or simply provides an outlet for expressing emotions. Friends, family members, coworkers, and online support groups can all be potential sources of social connectivity.
Resilient People Identify as Survivors, Not as Victims
When dealing with any crisis, resilient people look at themselves as survivors. They avoid thinking like victims of circumstance and instead look for ways to resolve the problem. While the situation may be unavoidable, they know they can stay focused on a positive outcome.
How Can I Become More Resilient?
While being resourceful is an important part of resilience, it is also essential to know when to ask for help. During a crisis, you can benefit from the help of psychologists and counselors specially trained to deal with crisis situations.
Author Andy Steiner is quick to add you don’t have to do these things perfectly. She interviewed dozens of people for her book, How to Survive: The Extraordinary Resilience of Ordinary People, and discovered commonalities in the way her subjects weathered terrible events. They ask others for help, and move forward even when things look bad, and they keep the big scope of life in mind while in distress. The most important thing she found in her research was that it was important to have hope and to believe that you will feel better someday.
Find a Sense of Purpose in Your Life
Best-selling author Richard Leider provides well-researched insights. He believes your answer to the question, “Why do you get up in the morning?” is incredibly important. Your answer can mean everything during a personal crisis. Leider says purpose is fundamental, and not a luxury, because purpose is essential to our health, happiness, and healing, as well as to our longevity.
Purpose gives us the reason to keep going, even during the hard times. In his book Life Re-Imagined (co-authored by Alan M. Webber), Leider writes about the importance of being more courageous. He explains that courage is about taking more risks, not physical risks, but being more authentic, more yourself. He calls this growing whole, rather than growing old.
Build Positive Beliefs in Your Abilities
Research has demonstrated that self-esteem plays an important role in coping with stress and recovering from difficult events. Becoming more confident in your own ability to respond and deal with crisis by dealing well with everyday circumstances is a great way to build resilience for the future.
Embrace Change
Flexibility is an essential part of resilience. By learning how to be more adaptable in everyday circumstances, you'll be better equipped to respond when faced with a life crisis. When you encounter a new challenge, focus on developing a logical way to work through common problems.
Be Optimistic
Staying optimistic during dark periods can be difficult, but maintaining a hopeful outlook is an important part of resiliency. Positive thinking does not mean ignoring the problem in order to focus on positive outcomes. It means understanding that setbacks are temporary. What you are dealing with may be difficult, but it is important to remain hopeful and positive about a brighter future.
Nurture Yourself
When you're stressed, it can be all too easy to neglect your own needs. Take care of yourself, even when you are troubled. Make time for activities that you enjoy, eat regular meals, continue or start an exercise routine, and make getting enough sleep a priority. You can boost your health and resilience at the same time.
Establish Goals
Practice setting goals in a variety of situations. This will help you view difficult situations in a realistic way and then set reasonable goals to deal with the problem. When you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by a situation, take a step back to simply assess what is before you. Brainstorm possible solutions, then decide on the most logical, appropriate one.
Keep Working!
Developing resilience may take time, so do not become discouraged if you still struggle to cope with problematic events. Research has shown that resilience is not an extraordinary thing but can be learned by almost anyone. Focus on practicing some of the strategies outlined above. Build upon your own existing strengths and give yourself credit for all the things you are already doing to build inner resilience.