Grandparenting—An Adventure in Loving
By Arlene Bascom
My doorbell rings, and when I answer the door, a sweet voice rings out, “Gwama, Gwama,” and two little arms reach to give me a big hug. When three-year-old Mistee leaves, she gives me another hug and says, “I wuv you, Gwama.” Mistee always gives me an enthusiastic greeting and makes me happy to be a grandparent. The fact is, every one of my thirty-one grandchildren (and two new great-grandchildren) add a dimension to my life that is heartwarming; best of all, the wonderful reality is that I can do the same for them.
Grandparents are important! Research shows that grandparents can be a vital part of a child’s support system—and a great aid in teaching social, moral, and spiritual values. Grandchildren today need grandparents who care enough to take an active part in their lives.
You May Matter More Than You Realize!
Grandparents are often the only stable element in a child’s chaotic or unstable world. Children who do well (even in spite of difficult home situations) usually have one thing in common: at least one grown-up they can count on, and often, it is a grandparent!
Caring grandparents are needed more today than ever. If you have a desire to be an influence in your grandchild’s life, here are some basic but important tips for positive grandparenting:
1. Spend time with your grandchildren.
Inviting one grandchild at a time for activities or sleepovers can provide you with precious one-on-one time. Sometimes I simply take a grandchild shopping, invite one to help me cook a meal, or just to spend the evening with us. On these special nights, my husband and I love to play games with our grandchild and perhaps make and share a treat.
2. Find ways to listen to your grandchildren.
I love one-on-one interaction that gives each grandchild the opportunity to talk to his or her hearts’ content. What child doesn’t love personal attention? Listening helps us learn more about our grandchildren. We make it a point to ask how they feel about their friends, their interests, and accomplishments, and then listen with our hearts without judging or criticizing. Listening to and loving children doesn't have to take big chunks of time, but it is crucial in developing the kind of close relationship that can make a difference in their lives.
3. Teach skills and share hobbies.
Sharing skills also gives grandchildren real evidence of your love. As a grandma, you could share hobbies of painting, writing, reading poetry, doing crafts, or scrapbooking; you may teach cooking, cleaning, or singing—whatever you enjoy. Grandpa may teach gardening, home repairs, fishing, camping, or share hobbies of woodworking, electric trains or fly tying—whatever he enjoys. Don’t assume your grandchildren already know how to do things. Parents often do not have the time or energy to teach their children the kinds of things you can teach them. As you lovingly help grandchildren build skills, you help them become more capable, well-rounded human beings and give their self-esteem a giant boost.
4. Read to your grandchildren.
Sharing a good story seldom fails to delight a youngster, especially if it is age- and attention span-appropriate. The closeness they feel to you as they snuggle in your lap or next to you can create an important bond. At one time, I discovered the joys of reading aloud Kipling’s Rikki Tikki Tavi. Children seem to be mesmerized by the enchanting way Kipling uses the English language, and it is so much fun to let the words roll off your tongue! There is no end to the wonderful choices for read-aloud stories. Ask your librarian for suggestions if you need them.
5. Build traditions.
One grandmother who loves to cook has the birthday tradition of inviting the whole family to a dinner to honor a birthday child. Overnight sleepovers at Grandma’s house for all the cousins are a yearly tradition in another family. Grandma prepares treats, Grandpa reads a goodnight story, and they both tuck the grandchildren in. One ambitious grandma and grandpa have a yearly tradition of hosting all thirty grandchildren at once!
A good nutritious dinner at Grandma’s house on Halloween evening before the children go out to fill up on candy is another family’s tradition. Making Valentine cookies or cupcakes with grandchildren is a favorite tradition for a grandmother who loves to bake, while another grandmother prefers helping each granddaughter sew a simple Christmas apron each year.
The one rule for a tradition is that it should be enjoyable for all concerned! Traditions are great for creating closeness because they can create memories that bind us together and give children a sense of belonging.
Collect the Ideas That Best Help You Show Your LoveEvery grandparent has individual likes, dislikes, talents, and abilities. This means every idea will not work for every grandparent. It is important to discover your own unique style of grandparenting.
One grandmother has a "Grandchild of the Week.” During the week she puts the chosen grandchild's picture in a frame on her desk. That prompts her to do something with that grandchild if they live close by, or to call, write a letter, or send a small package if they live far away. The goal is to help each grandchild feel that he or she is important.
This column will regularly offer ideas and suggestions for all types of grandparenting. Look for and implement ideas that fit you. We invite you to send Senior Review your ideas, the most unique of which we hope to share in future columns
Good ideas carried out in loving, meaningful interaction is the name of the game in grandparenting. No matter what your circumstances or personality, you can show your love in ways that suit you. You can make your grandparenting an adventure in loving!