How to Decrease the Stress of the Upcoming Holidays
By Darla Isackson
Someone once said, “If I had my entire life to live over, I doubt I'd have the strength!” Even if we’ve tried to “retire” from over-scheduling, hurry, and hassle, the holiday season can easily whoosh us back into it.
Sadly enough, every stress factor of our lives is likely to increase this time of year. Unrealistic expectations and over-ambitious goals can send our stress level soaring—and wreak havoc with our dispositions at the same time. In a department store orientation for workers, a trainer said, “The holiday season is the season of great irritability. Everyone is in a hurry. Everyone is stressed. No one is polite.” What irony!
The Stress Question
It is possible to avoid being drawn into hurry and its attending irritability, even as the extra demands of the season hit us like a tidal wave. We can choose more joy and less stress.
It is important to understand what kind of stress is unhealthy and why. Some stress is healthy: new experiences and challenges energize us. They can help us think more sharply and function on a higher level—which is especially important as we grow older. A grandchild’s wedding or a chance to go on a cruise may be a healthy joyful kind of stress!
Most negative stress is connected with extended “flight or fight” responses when extra adrenaline is pumped into the bloodstream in reaction to events or situations that are perceived as threatening in some way. An elevated level of adrenaline over a period of time can create exhaustion and contribute to a myriad of health problems. Pains in the stomach, tight muscles, and a foggy or unusually forgetful mind can indicate that we’ve crossed the line from healthy stress to unhealthy stress.
Such stress is cumulative. When stress first starts to pile up, we may feel like we’re walking through ankle-deep snow. However, if we don’t change either the source or the way we’re processing the stress, it just keeps building up. Before we know it we may be trying to wade through waist-high snow--no easy task! We don’t want to be stubborn enough to ignore stress until the snowdrifts get clear up to our eyebrows, and our activities are brought to a halt by complete exhaustion or illness!
Resisting What Is
I recently heard a new definition of stress while listening to a book on tape called The Heart of the Soul by Gary Zukav and Linda Francis. They explained, “Stress is resisting what is.” That definition can be applied to the stress of the holiday season.
We may create stress by resisting the reality of increased traffic, lines, and waiting—unrealistically expecting to accomplish our errands in the same amount of time it takes in less busy times and being upset when it takes longer. Why not just plan on errands taking twice as long instead? Or maybe it is commercialism and the ads we resist—the ones that say we can give happiness by giving “things.” We can choose instead to ignore the ads—since our resistance certainly isn’t going to make them go away. We may resist the fact that all regular chores and health-care regimes still have to be completed, leaving precious little time for holiday activity options—but that may be our reality!
What do you resist? I personally resist expectations that don’t fit my interests or needs, such as crafts and baking—and I resist the fact that sugar is pushed at me everywhere I go. Or I can just decide NOT to bake and do crafts, and to say no to sugary treats. Obviously, resisting reality doesn’t make any of it go away—it just raises our stress level.
Can we quit resisting holiday dilemmas, but instead make choices within the realities of the season that will help us have a more enjoyable, peaceful holiday season?
Many Options, Many Choices
How can we embrace the positive realities of the season and decrease the stress potential of the rest? Here are some ideas that might help.
• Tune In! Choose calming, uplifting music.
At home and in our cars, we can listen to beautiful Christmas albums, calming piano music, or other favorite tunes. When scheduling events, we can select a few favorite concerts and musical plays but avoid more musical outings than comfortably fit into an already-busy schedule.
• Re-enthrone Procrastination! Set aside projects that are too time-consuming.
What projects do we need to postpone in order to ease our stress? I have several family history projects I really wanted to finish to give for Christmas gifts. However, it’s not going to happen! I can choose to good-naturedly assign them a new time-frame, a new purpose. Is it more realistic to finish them for birthdays as they come along, or for next Christmas? Any month but November and December would undoubtedly be a better time to work on them.
• Make more “Not-To-Do” lists than “To-Do” lists.
If a traditional task or goal seems daunting, if a project could wait until after the holidays (or can be eliminated altogether), we can put them on a “Not-To-Do” list. For example, the goal of visiting every friend and close relative during the holidays has got to go. Any kind of food that takes hours of preparation goes on a “Not-To-Do” list. Too many delicious foods can be put together in a jiffy to wear ourselves out with the other kind. Any holiday tradition that takes a lot of time should be re-evaluated. Is it worth the time? One friend told me her family eliminated a lot of stress when they cut out the tradition of picking out a live tree in the freezing cold and over-busy evenings of December in favor of a good quality artificial tree.
• Keep Only the Most Essential Traditions
In years past, I have asked each of my family which holiday traditions are important to them. Any not mentioned went on my “Not-To-Do” list! You might do the same!
I chose to put traditional card and letter mailing on my “Not-To-Do” list. (Judging from the ever-decreasing volume of cards I receive I’m not the only one to make this decision!) Who says yearly update letters must be sent at Christmastime anyway? One friend sends her newsletter at Thanksgiving—another at Valentine's Day each year—and they are much appreciated. I now mail cards including a family update only to a select few that I know will value it because I rarely see them. I send it right after Thanksgiving—so it will arrive when people might actually have time to read it. Christmas letters that arrive too close to Christmas often get set aside.
• Simplify
Besides time-consuming letters, extensive traveling, remodeling, and deep cleaning all go on my list. Your “Not-To-Do” list may be different. Take a look at your unique situation, and find ways to simplify and remove stress from the holidays.
• Don’t Stress Over Gifts
One of biggest stresses for many grandparents is buying gifts for grandchildren. How about putting that on this list and try one of these options instead:
1. simply give them money,
2. take your grandkids to pick out their own gift (within understood parameters), or
3. give money to the grandkids’ parents and let them do the shopping.
In regard to gifts, we can ask, “How many of the gifts I’m planning to give this season are really meaningful? Will this gift really make a difference?” How many could go on our “Not-To-Buy” list and never be missed?
• Put First Things First
A word about finances is important when it comes to holiday stress. Credit cards and overspending can add to our stress. It helps to remember that what family and friends want most from us is our love. If you’re anything like me, it’s not easy to give it when pressured, frazzled, worn out, and grouchy from lack of sleep or too much stress. The older we get, the more time we need to allot to taking care of ourselves.
Perhaps the first thing we need to do, then, is to prioritize and pare down our goals and our spending. Everyone we’re around will enjoy the season more if we’re enjoying it more!
So, as we approach the holiday season, let’s take a good look at how we can decrease negative stress. If we accept not resist the realities of the season; embrace the joyous parts, such as good music; set aside projects and traditions that are too demanding or time-consuming; and put nonessentials on a “Not-To-Do” list, we’ll decrease our stress level and increase the joy.
Choosing joy instead of stress can be a simple matter of choosing to do less—especially when the “less” includes what really matters to us and to those we love.