Marriage Is Like Landscaping: The Value of Marriage Enrichment Seminars
By Darla Isackson
Whether you’ve been married five or fifty years, nurturing the relationship is a good idea! At a seminar my husband and I attended recently, a couple performed a demonstration of moving into a new house, and saying, “Well, that’s done.” Then they sat in the unimproved yard of their marriage waiting for lawn, bushes, trees and flowers to plant themselves and become beautiful without any effort on their part. They pointed out that a good marriage doesn’t happen on its own any more than a lush yard! Even if we do a good job of the initial planting, last week’s water, sunshine, and fertilizer can’t keep our lawn and plants healthy this week!
The seminar lasted from Thursday evening until Saturday afternoon, and I was mesmerized by each succeeding presentation. Even better, I was thrilled that my husband’s response was as positive as mine.
A wide variety of couples attended. Some like us to make a good marriage better. Some with a long track record of neglecting the marriage. The good news is that it’s never too late. As long as the landscape hasn’t died out completely it can be revived. New bushes and trees and flowers can still be planted and cared for. Some couples at the seminar made significant breakthroughs; some were even pulled back from the brink of divorce.
Regardless of how healthy or unhealthy your relationship may be, such seminars offer the opportunity to improve it. Many kinds of helpful marriage seminars are available. We chose this one because of rave reviews from relatives who had previously enjoyed the experience.
Marriage Enrichment Seminars, sponsored by a nonprofit foundation, have a decades-long track record. Their longevity is a result of volunteers such as Dean and Joan Connolly, who say their involvement gives added purpose to their lives. Dean is a busy dentist nearing retirement age. Dean and Joan are the parents of the astounding number of 13 children! Yet since the 70s they have volunteered as one of three “lead couples” who offer their time without charge a few weekends a year to host Marriage Enrichment Seminars. Why? Because the same experience greatly enriched and strengthened their marriage when they participated, and they feel compelled to share what they have learned.
Radio Personalities Comment on Marriage Enrichment
Mark & Gayle Van Wagoner wrote of this same Marriage Enrichment seminar. They said, “Victor Cline, an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Utah, believes that even good marriages can always be better. To help make marriages better, Dr. Cline founded the Marriage Enrichment Seminars. Now over 30 years strong, with its theme, “Better marriages beginning with our own,” thousands of couples have found ways to strengthen their marriages, even when they felt their relationships were as strong as they could be!
“Licensed marriage counselors have come as participants in these seminars and walked away with renewed determination to improve their relationships. They discovered new ways to keep their marriages strong and have fun in the process!
“Life is hard and it is not going to get any easier. The greatest support you have to weather the storms can be your husband or wife. He or she is the most important person you know and should be treated as such. Too many people hit a bump in the road and give up on the one thing they should hold onto the hardest.
“Even the best of marriages takes work to make it happen. Log onto www.marriage-enrichment.org, or call Victor and Lois Cline at 801-278-6831 to find out more.”
Can Loving, Safe Communication Be Learned?
This seminar offers life-changing experiences of loving communication in a safe environment. Sitting at the feet of three “leader couples,” Doug and I saw the fruits of loving communication by example. They freely shared their own stories and how their lives had been changed by the principles and practices they taught us.
The weekend started with an introduction of the motto “Love Is a Daily Decision” and an invitation to share the most endearing quality we saw in our mates. (They assured us this was the only thing we’d be asked to share in front of the group.) The leader couples led out, doing it first. The room filled with a spirit of love and appreciation as each person in turn shared something wonderful about his or her spouse.
The stage was set for noticing strengths. More extensive sharing—opening up to each other and expressing tender feelings—was done privately in each couple’s hotel room, not in front of others. The basic guideline was that all sharing was to be done in a loving way. What a difference that makes!
To me, the most important skill we brought home with us was the daily dialog. Before we started this practice, at best our dinnertime conversations had been getting sparse, and at worst, we both had our noses buried in the newspaper. My husband’s response to dialoging has been something like, “We’ve talked more about things that matter since we have being dialoging than we have in years!” We have been amazed at how much our tender feelings for each other have increased as we have taken the time to share. We have also been able to work on problem areas, once we knew how the other person really felt.
No matter where you are with your marriage, this seminar is guaranteed to make it better. Because it focuses on the positive, any fear or resistance quickly melts away. Even senior couples like us who already have a good long-lasting marriage can find so many ways to celebrate the strengths and make the marriage even stronger.