The Ups and Downs of Change
In an article in Guidepost magazine, author Elizabeth Sherrill told of the difficulty of moving out of the home she had loved for fifty years. Sorting through and wanting to hang onto the accumulation of a lifetime, she contemplated the myriad changes she and her husband had experienced and the big one they were about to make. She said, “One prayer God never answers is for things to stay the same.”
Things change! And fortunately, the change is so often for the better. I like to remind myself that the Bible always says, “It came to pass,” and never, “It came to stay.” Think about it: for everything we wish would stay the same, there are probably ten things we want to change. The most common claim of self-help books is that they will change your life. Yet, especially in our senior years, we tend to resist change. We want to hang on to the status quo! We tend to see the downside of change and forget the upside!
Change isn’t usually easy, but ruts are not paths of progress, and change is inevitable. We can pull ourselves up and out of ruts and habits that aren’t moving us ahead by paying the price of change in order to keep moving in a positive direction.
The Need for Balance
While I resist change in technology and environment, I yearn for change in myself. I’ve always wanted to do better, to learn more, to live on a higher spiritual plain. While bad patterns can keep us stuck in “sameness,” too much desire for improvement can create unhealthy discontent. For instance, when I focus on my shortcomings, I might spend my energy apologizing for inadequacies instead of building on strengths. I can wear myself out believing that trying harder and doing better will bring all the good changes I desire. It’s important to find balance so that desire for change—or resistance to unwelcome change—doesn’t keep us from enjoying life as it unfolds.
Nothing Is As Constant As Change, But We Can Enjoy the Journey
Considering the chaos in the world and life’s inevitable changes, our goal should be to enjoy the journey. I recently heard a talk about the changes we deal with throughout our lives, some welcome, some unwelcome. The speaker mentioned sudden changes, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, a sudden illness, or the loss of a treasured possession. But most changes take place more subtly and slowly. He suggested that if we find ways to adapt to change and express gratitude along the way, we can learn to enjoy the journey.
What a breath of fresh air—the reminder to enjoy the journey! I decided that the biggest changes I need to make are turning my thoughts to gratitude, to focus on what is most important for me personally right now—and then live with gusto, fully present in the present.
Live in the Present
We can learn to enjoy the journey if we let go of the past, avoid over-concern about the future, and live fully in the present. Ironically, lessons from the past help me do that! For instance, my first year at Utah State University, I learned from the contrast between two fellow college students. One was unable to let go of home and parents in order to enjoy college life. She cried a lot, ran home whenever possible, and was generally miserable. The other was having the time of her life, savoring each new experience. I chose to follow the savoring pattern!
I saw the same contrast with some military wives when I lived in Spain. Some seemed utterly unable to open their eyes to the wonder of the culture and history that abounded. All they could do was complain about how much they missed the conveniences, products, and associations of life in the States. Others embraced the changes, finding a whole treasure house of opportunities to learn, enjoy, and broaden their horizons. Which pattern do we follow in our present lives? Do we yearn for the days when our children were little or for a time when we could be more physically active, or do we focus on what we can still do and enjoy the benefits of our current situation?
One vibrant woman known for her ability to live in the present said she lives by the motto: “Life is a tenuous thing. . . fragile, fleeting . . . Be here now!”[1]
In our golden years, we look back and see that our lives have been nothing but change. When raising children, every month, every year chronicled growth that changed our relationship with each child. We’ve always had the option to embrace the good things about the present, and we still do. If we are experiencing the empty nest, we can choose to enjoy the benefits, or we can grieve over the change of children no longer living with us. And so it goes. So many things change. The only question is how we choose to respond.
If We Want Progress, We Must Embrace Positive Change
Ideally, we will never quit progressing. Progress means change, but all change isn’t really progress. In our modern world, much that is labeled “progress” requires change that is questionable. Some changes result in downright negative consequences. (Think of “land development” that replaces acres of beautiful trees with cement and destroys the natural habitat of wildlife.)
Our personal goal is positive progress. We want to change and grow with ever-increasing satisfaction. Instead of looking back and saying, “Oh, I wish I could be back in such-and-such situation,” we can be fully alive in the present, anticipating more positive than negative. We can accept “what is” and be willing to adapt to the changes that the next level of progress will bring.
One Unchangeable
I received this bit of wisdom in an e-mail recently: “Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry: God never blinks.” In a world where everything changes, it’s good to know we have an unchangeable God. That perspective can help ease our way through all the change. God doesn’t give a “yes” answer to prayers for things to say the same, but He will help us adapt to the changes and enjoy the journey.
- By Darla Isackson
[1] Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, 2005, Nelson Books, 215.