Whatever Happened to the Simple Things in Life?

By Rev. James L. Snyder

Just when you think life can't get more complicated, it does. Personally, I work very hard trying to keep my life as simple as possible. I must say, I do not get very much help on this, especially from the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. Her idea of keeping it simple is not telling me everything.

This past week, I think she went a little too far.

It was Saturday night, and I was preparing for my weekly bath. I had assembled all the necessary equipment: my rubber ducky, my reading glasses, and the book I was reading at the time. There is nothing more relaxing to me than a hot, bubbly bath with a good book.

Eventually, I put my book up and began the ritual of taking a bath. I reached for the bar of soap. It felt a little different. Actually, it felt as though it had been rolled in gravelly dirt.

I called to my wife. “What's wrong with the soap?"

She came into the bathroom. "There's nothing wrong with the soap."

"But it feels different," I complained.

"That's because it's oatmeal soap," she explained.

"Oatmeal soap? What do you mean, oatmeal soap?"

"It's a new soap I found at the Bath and Body store. It's something new. It's good for you. Use it."

What did I know about oatmeal? I knew it was a food. I like a bowl of hot oatmeal in the morning with sliced bananas. And oatmeal raisin cookies go perfect with a nice hot cup of coffee. However, I did not remember ever hearing I could wash with oatmeal.

I looked at the bar of oatmeal soap. Should I wash with it or eat it? And where do you put the sliced bananas?

To make matters worse, next I discovered in the bathtub a new bottle of shampoo. It was called Sweet Apple Shampoo. There is nothing like a fruity-tooty shampoo scent to bring out the manly spirit in a person.

After using it, should I dry off and put myself into the refrigerator?

This incident only illustrated to me the fact that we live in a very complicated world. Somebody comes up with a good, simple idea. However, another person shows up and complicates it beyond all recognition.

"There ain't nothing simple anymore," my grandfather used to say. And he's been dead for 30 years. What would he say today?

For example, take your common everyday telephone. The telephone is no longer a phone but rather a full communication system. You can do everything on your cell phone. 

I tried to buy a new cell phone recently and found it rather difficult. The salesperson was telling me all of the features of this new cell phone. I tried to tell him, "All I want is to be able to phone my wife when I'm away from the house."

The salesperson didn't seem to get that fact into his head. For some reason, he seemed to think I needed all of the features of the latest cell phone.

Do you know I could not find a cell phone that just was a phone?

Back in the day, the telephone was a party system. What parties we used to have! Each person on that party phone line had a certain ring. I still remember ours. It was two rings. Of course, whenever the phone rang, everybody on the party line knew who was getting a call and felt completely at liberty to listen in.

Not just telephones but also everything else has been complicated for us. A watch is no longer a watch, but rather a timepiece that does everything but tell time. I recently saw a watch that was also a cell phone.

Now, I need a cell phone to find out what time it is, and I need a watch to make a phone call. And for anyone unwilling to buy a cell phone, try to find a phone booth in the neighborhood. The absence of the neighborhood phone booth may explain the rise in crime. Where in the world does Clark Kent change into his Superman suit?

No wonder so many elderly people go senile. It's the only sane thing to do in such a complicated world.

About the Author

The Rev. James L. Snyder is pastor of the Family of God Fellowship in Ocala, Florida.